Serving Bread

I have a confession to make: I need a bailout.

The financial industry has asked and received and the auto industry is doing everything it can to get one. I figure I could ask for one as well and mine will be fairly modest compared to the $25 Billion that the auto industry seeks.

There is no doubt that we are facing a global financial meltdown and crisis. And I imagine that most of us will be affected by the recession/depression one way or another. Non-profits (such as my own) will struggle to retain and attract new donors. People will have difficulty getting credit and whatever money we put in our savings (or in long term investments) are lost to low interest rates and a shrinking stock market.

Though I’m mostly an optimist, I tend to entertain dark financial scenarios too often. I find myself worried about my imminent, readjustable home mortgage. I worry about how the ministry will be funded when partners (understandably) have to rethink their giving. I worry about my shrinking retirement account and the lack of value in my home (will it still cover my kids’ college education?).

So I need a bailout. I’m not sure I care too much where it came from—All I know is that I need one. And in my prayers, I find myself asking God for a bailout.

I would love for a real financial bailout that would cover all of my expenses, debts, and unforeseen needs. At my worse, I stay up at night wondering how I would make ends meet. But what stands out to me about this anxiety is that it’s always been there. When our income was more limited, I wanted just a little more money to make ends meet. I thought that with a raise, I would no longer worry about money. But the reality is that there is a mysterious law of human nature that says: the more you have, the more you spend. When asked how much money is enough, Andrew Carnegie (arguably one of the wealthiest men in history) replied, “just a little bit more.”

So I find myself believing in the myth that there is a number out there that is the perfect number to help me live the unworried life. But upon some reflection, I realize that it’s just a myth. What I need is a realignment of my heart and my relationship to stuff and to money. I guess that what I often need is a financial bailout that is spiritual in nature.

An ideal bailout would help me to:

• Live within my means. Without a regular check-up, I find myself straying from my budget. My actual budget will no longer reflect my proposed budget. And that’s a problem. It’s a problem on two fronts: First, I will find myself going into deeper debt; Second, I am living with less integrity and probably have allowed greed to take a hold of my heart.
• Have peace and faith in God’s provisions and security. My focus on finances lead me to worry and despair instead of trusting God to provide. In my despair, I give up on having any integrity on how I spend my money, which only leads to more despair when I see the balance on my accounts. Jesus had strong words and promises about the power he holds in providing for our needs. I should take those promises seriously.
• Give cheerfully. Giving inevitably becomes the most legalistic thing I do as a believer. The ministries I love become additional bills. I attach criticism to the the tithe I drop in the basket at church, wondering whether my money is being spent according to my vision. Neither the Kingdom nor the ministries nor my church would appreciate such attitude attached to the giving. Scripture exhorts us to give cheerfully, believing that our gifts make a difference on us and on the ministry.

But this kind of a bailout is not easy to receive. I think that the bailout I seek is more difficult to get than the one sought by the auto industry. Financial matters are not things I discuss regularly in fellowship, especially when it comes to the matters of the heart. I’m too ashamed to admit that I need help and too proud to believe that the answer is beyond myself.

Apart from the poorest of the poor, most of our financial struggles have less to do with the amount of money and more to do with our relationship to money. I know that’s true for me. A financial bailout should lead me to God for a realignment of my heart and to community for accountability. (I do hope my community grows stronger in this area as I continue to figure out ways to make my financial life accountable to others) To reiterate my point, it’s the spiritual dimension of finances that needs help, not the bank account.

Do you need a bailout?